Its the Little Things

When I was in 12th grade, I took part in a "Far Eastern Thought Class." The purpose of this class was to explore eastern philosophies such as Buddhism and Hinduism. I had a wonderful teacher who believed in the value of "doing" over "reading," so one day, he challenged all his students (all 7 of us) to take a vow of silence for the entire day.

I was determined to remain silent the entire day. My friends mocked me and offered me great treasures if I would just say one tiny word, yet I remained silent. My other teachers rolled their eyes at me and demanded that I speak, yet I remained silent. My siblings taunted me and withheld treates unless I asked for them, yet I remained silent. I remained silent the entire day except for one moment: I quickly walked through a door and accidentally knocked over a younger student. "Oh, I'm so sorry," I said without thinking.

My point is, if I decide to do something, I will pursue that goal to the ends of the earth, but it is the little things that are so ingrained in me that mess me up.

You are probably wondering why I am ranting about my high school days in the midst of my vegan experiment. I have been so good about not eating any meat or dairy until the plane ride home today. The flight attendant asked what I wanted to drink, and without even thinking about it I asked for coffee with cream and sugar. CREAM and sugar! I didn't realize my mistake until after I had drunk the entire cup. Oh well. At least I didn't eat the cheese crackers. Go me!

going vegan

I am now on day 3 of veganism (I'm not sure that that is a word, but if it isn't, it should be), and it is going great. Giving up meat and dairy is not hard at all for me. I was basically doing that anyway living with Adam. The sugar has been a little more tough, although I have been cutting down the amount of sugar I eat daily. Today, I had one piece of chocolate and half a cup of chocolate soy ice cream. Not too bad for someone who would rather eat sugar than anything else in the world.

I started reading a cookbook called "The Kind Diet" while visiting with the family and discovered that it is exactly what I am doing. I need to get my hands on a copy as I hop on a plane tomorrow and have only read a few pages of the book.

Trying a new approach

It is time for me to admit defeat. I am not in a place where I am capable of following the Weight Watchers plan. No matter how I try it, I always end up feeling deprived in some way (which I know is not supposed to happen). I HATE counting points and fretting about every choice. I'll be really good for a few days then go way overboard and eat everything in sight. It will then take me weeks of overeating before I try to be good again because I know that I am going to be depriving myself.

This is NOT working for me.

So, I am trying a new approach. After watching several documentaries including "food inc" most recently, I have decided to become a vegan...sort of. I have always been concerned about the impact eating animals has on our planet, and I used to be a vegetarian for this very reason. The only reason I started eating meat again was because my body was craving it during my pregnancy. I am no longer pregnant, and I don't even like meat that much, so no more meat. Except fish. But only fish that has been harvested in a sustainable manner. Adam doesn't eat dairy so giving up dairy is not really a big deal for me. Eggs, on the other hand, are a necessity in our family. I am committed to buying only organic free range eggs so I'm OK with this choice.

To sum up: I am giving up all meat except sustainable seafood and all animal products except eggs...and honey. I am also going to try to give up sugar (AGGGG). I eat WAY too much sugar and this is probably the root cause of my weight issues at present.

I am going to try this for one month and reevaluate. If at the end of a month, I like the changes that I'm feeling, I will continue. If I don't, I won't. I am starting now, but I will probably reevaluate at the end of January just because it is easier.

Day 1: December 29th, 2009
Weight: 177.2

I just weighed my self for the first time in over a month, and I can't believe how much I've gained! This is a new beginning. I don't really have much of a choice - I've got to do something.

uninspired

I have got to be the most uninspiring weight loss buddy ever! I feel like I'm on a rowboat on the ocean - I get really excited and inspired to follow weight watchers by the letter and plan ahead and count everything I eat - then I jump to the other end of the spectrum and decide to eat everything in sight because "screw it, it doesn't matter!"

The good news is, you can apparently do this and maintain your weight. Yea.

The bad news is, I end up feeling guilty or disappointed the entire time. Guilty when I overeat, and disappointed when I'm not losing the weight I want.

I drug myself to a meeting today after being off the wagon for the past two weeks and I still haven't had the courage to look at the number. The receptionist was very professional and didn't give anything away, but you can't be off the wagon for two weeks without some sort of gain.

I think I'm going to write up motivational messages and post them around the house. Maybe I can stay on top of the wave for a while.

Week Reset

Two weeks ago, I sat down with my husband and told him all of my frustrations with this weight loss journey. I felt like no matter what I did, I couldn't stay within my points. Every week, I was going over my points and my lack of weight loss was reflecting that. He helped me realize that I am successful when I am saving my points up for the weekend, rather than eating them on the weekend and trying to live off of my remaining points for the week. The difference is small but important. When I am saving my points up, I don't feel deprived because I know that I have the points there if I need them. When I begin my week on Friday, I tend to eat all my points over the weekend and feel worried that I am not going to have enough food for the rest of the week.

I know it sounds a little silly, but weight loss really is a mind game. So, I now begin my week on Mondays and I have been doing so much better. I haven't gone over points once since I switched over. :)

As I mentioned in my last post, we went a little crazy with the grocery budget earlier this month. To make up for this, I've decided to see if its possible to eat nothing but rice, beans, and $10 worth of other food items for an entire week.

I went to Fred Meyer last night and bought about 1.5 pounds each of organic black beans ($1.27/lb), organic pinto beans ($1.49/lb) and white beans ($1.49). I love buying food in bulk. You save money and packaging. We have plenty of rice in our pantry so I didn't need to buy any more.

Tonight I plan on making a chili served over rice. Using a can of stewed tomatoes ($0.97), a little bit of each bean, and lots of spices, this chili should be really low points (I haven't calculated the exact number yet). I'm also going to throw in some green chili and left over corn and let it cook in the crock pot all afternoon. I'll let you know how it turns out.

Tomorrow, I'm thinking bean burritos, and bean salad on Friday. If my family hasn't completely rebelled over all the rice and bean eating, I'll try to think of some more creative recipes by this weekend.

UPDATE: The chili did not turn out as planned. Whoever let me into a kitchen without a solid recipe in my hand was nuts. I blame my husband. Apparently, a little of this and a little of that produces a big pot of what appears to be bean soup without the flavor. Sigh.

Furthermore, if anyone asks, I did NOT almost burn the kitchen down. But we will have to buy a new pot.

oopsie

OK, so I disappeared for a while - sorry about that. I won't do it again...I promise. I have a new weight loss/exercise buddy. He is one of my very best friends and just knowing that he is reading this helps keep me motivated and honest :)

Not much happened in the time I was away. First I lost .8 pounds (yea), then I stayed the same (boo), but I'm not giving up.

We went a little crazy spending money this month. We have a $75 a week budget for groceries which I tend to think of as a $300 a month budget. Pretty much the same thing, expect when I think of it in monthly terms we tend to buy a lot of groceries at the beginning of the month and have nothing at the end of the month. I know what you are thinking: $75 a week is a lot to spend on groceries, and it is, until you realize what we spend that money on. My husband and I are committed to feeding ourselves and our daughter wholesome, unprocessed, organic food. Now you see why $75 a week is not so much. Some people could spend more than that on organic apples in a week.

We are part of "community supported agriculture" from a local, organic farm in our area. Every two weeks we receive a box of local, organic veggies. Each box sets up back $40, so that's $80 a month gone. Then there is the egg issue. Our daughter eats about 6 eggs every day, and because we are committed to organic food and each dozen eggs costs $4, that can add up really quickly.

Anyway, I digress. My point is that I have to be very careful with my budgeting in order to buy all these organic veggies and still have money left for things like protein and carbs :)

One thing I've discovered is incredibly helpful is planing out my meals for the week. One of my favorite little weight watchers sayings is: "If you fail to plan, you plan to fail." Its catchy, cute, and true. When I plan my meals for the week not only to I spend less money, but I eat more at home, and eat healthier.

Weigh-In

I gained 1.2 pounds. I feel crapy. 

I don't know if I can do this

I am tired. 

I am tired of watching everything that goes into my mouth, and writing it down (which I usually don't do) and counting the points (which I've been doing even less). I am tired of feeling guilty every time I leave a restaurant because I find it impossible to count exactly how many points I've eaten, and if I try, I spend my entire (previously enjoyable) meal doing mental math. 

I want this to be easier. I want to just agree to go to these meetings every week and lose weight. Sounds like a fair deal to me. I'm paying my money. I'm going to the meetings. Its everything else that I'm having a hard time with.

I just want to quit!

Then think about how awful it feels to be overweight - the health problems, the low self-esteem, the lace of energy - and realize that I don't really have a choice. As much as I hate counting every calorie that I consume, I hate feeling fat even more. 

So, I will go to weigh-in today - even though it is not going to be pretty -  and I will vow once again to start over. 

Friday's Weigh-In

Aye, yesterday's weigh-in number is a little misleadin'. Sometimes I think about weight loss like a bankin' system. You can make deposits towards future weight loss and withdraws against future weight loss. 

Let me explain: If I have a verily bad week, but lose weight anyway, Me think o' it as a withdraw. I'm fairly certain that the followin' week will be not as successful. It works the other way as well. 

I weigh in on Friday's at 12:15, and bein' the neurotic person that I am, I ne'er eat lunch before I go t' Ww because I don't want that weight added t' my mighty. Yesterday, I ate lunch before I went. I call this a deposit. 

I didn't gain or lose anythin' this week, but...I made a deposit for next week.

Aye, me parrot concurs.

PS. Today is talk like a pirate day, in case you didn't notice :)

Oops

OK, so I messed up yesterday, but I'm back on track today. 

It was the buffet that did it. I cannot be with-in a 10 mile radius of an all-you-can-eat buffet. Period. I tried to be good, and I wasn't doing too bad until ... the Deserts. I am a sucker for sugar. Oh well. It was fun.

I went shopping yesterday and despite my run-in with the buffet tables, I was able to wear size 12. I've officially lost 2 sizes since I began! Yea me.

Weigh-in tomorrow. Wish me luck.

Inspiration

Is it weird that I am so inspired by stories of other people losing weight? 

Biggest Loser Season 8 premiered tonight, and nothing short of a city wide power outage was going to stop me from watching it. This says a lot about my dedication to watch overweight people push themselves to lose weight because there are MANY things that I despise about that show: Blatant product placement, commercials every 10 seconds, huge stretches of the show that they repeat because they have commercials every 10 seconds and it is hard to remember what was going on when you are constantly being pulled away for a commercial break...I could go on...but I digress.

I watch Biggest Loser because it reminds me why I am on this weight loss journey. I may not have the tragic stories that those contestants share (and there are some really tragic stories this season), but I feel the same shame when I walk into a room and realize that I'm the biggest person there, when I can't run more than a mile without hacking up a lung, when I think about the example that I am setting for my baby girl. 

There are so many reasons why I want to lose this weight - not the least of which being my for my health and confidence - but I tend to lose track of these reasons in my day to day life. Watching a show like Biggest Loser helps me remember and keep myself on track. 

We all have to find our inspiration somewhere.

Blueberry Muffins

In my house, we love everything blueberry. Ilya eats at least 1 cup of blueberries every morning with her oatmeal. We drink blueberry milk. Our favorite book is "Blueberry Girl," so when I ran across this recipe in Hungry Girl 200 under 200 cookbook, I had to try it.

So, so so so so so good. 2 points a muffin (I made 8 out of the batter instead of 6), and they don't have too much sugar in them so I don't feel too bad about feeding them to Ilya.

From: "Hungry Girl 200 under 200"

Ingredients:

1 cup whole wheat flour
1 cup of fresh blueberries
1/2 cup light vanilla soy milk
1/4 cup sugar-free pancake syrup
1/4 cup fat free liquid egg substitute
1/4 cup Splenda No Calorie Sweetener (granulated)
3 Tablespoons brown sugar
2 Tablespoons light whipped butter or light buttery spread, room temp.
2 Tablespoons no sugar added applesauce (get Mott's Blueberry Delight if you can find it!)
1 1/2 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp. vanilla extract
1/4 tsp salt

Directions:

Preheat oven to 400 degrees.

In a medium mixing bowl, combine flour, Splenda, brown sugar, baking powder, and salt, stirring until mixed well.

In a large mixing bowl, combine soy milk, syrup, egg substitute, butter, applesauce, and vanilla extract. Using an electric mixer or a whisk, mix until thoroughly blended. Do not worry if butter bits do not break up completely.

Add dry ingredients in the first mixing bowl to wet ingredients in the large mixing bowl an mix until completely blended. Then fold in blueberries.

Line a 6 cup muffin pan (or half a 12 cup pan) with baking liner (I don't recommend this) or spray (I recommend). Evenly distribute batter among the 6 cups.

Bake in the oven for about 22 minutes, until a toothpick inserted into the center of a muffin comes out clean. Enjoy!

Makes 6 Servings

Per serving (1 muffin): 137 calories, 2.25g fat, 3g fiber

Friday Weigh-In

Before I get into what happened during the week, I will share my number:

169.4 lb - down 0.6 

I'm in the 160's!!!!!

I probably could have done better. I was great all week long until Wednesday. I helped a friend move all the while thinking, "this will be great - I'll earn a ton of activity points and do a good deed." Not quite how it turned out. I ended up watching the kids most of the time (hard work, but didn't really make me break a sweat) which would have been fine except my dear friends did what all good friends do when they move and bought everyone pizza, KFC, and beer. 

If I had thought about this possibility beforehand, I could have prepared myself for it, but as it was, I began with "just one slice of this delicious pizza so I don't feel deprived" and ended four slices, two pieces of KCF, and a beer later!  

Looking back, I should have just written in down and moved on with my life, but I felt so bad that I decided to pretend like it never happened...which led to Thursday. Since I had already messed up Wednesday, why not go crazy Thursday as well? I actually didn't do too bad Thursday, but I didn't track and I know I went over my points. 

So, really, Friday was a gift. I'm so lucky that I actually lost, but now I'm worried that it was a fluke and it will all catch up with me this week no matter how good I am. 

Let's see, what did I learn this week:

1) Messing up is part of this plan

2) When I mess up, write it down and move on!

My leader said something this week that I think will really help me: Before eating something ask yourself "can I eat this and still lose weight?" 

This really hit home because I think I'm thinking of this like a game. "how much can I get away with and still lose weight?" I forget my goals, and, really, that is all I need in order to make better choices.

Its a soup sort of week

I don't know why, but I've been on a soup kick lately. Maybe it was the sudden shift from beautiful sunny days, to dark rainy days that did it. Whatever the reason, I've made three different soups in the past four days - all of them no more than 2 points a cup. The other great thing I love about soup is that you can make a huge batch and freeze it for ... forever... I guess ... do frozen things really ever go bad? I guess they do, but it does take a reallllly long time. 

Below are the recipes for the three soups I made (keep in mind, I often just use what is laying around the house, so if you want to make these, the ingredients are - shall we say - flexible). 

Butternut Squash Soup 

Points: 2 points per cup

6 cups broth (amount may vary depending on size of butternut squash)

add 1 butternut squash pealed and cubed to broth

add 2 big leaks to broth

Boil until squash is tender

Cool

Blend until smooth and creamy

I love the taste of butternut squash, so I don't add anything extra, but you certainly could add spices and even other veggies if you wanted to get creative.

Lentil Soup

Points: 2 points per cup

4 cups broth

1 cup green lentils (soak for 15 minutes before adding to broth)

Carrots chopped (if you'd like)

1 potato cubed

Other veggies chopped (if you'd like)

1 onion chopped

1 tablespoon olive oil

garlic, salt, any other spices that you like

Sauté the oil, onions, and garlic until onions are brown

Add onion mixture to broth

Add other veggies and lentils to both

Add spices to taste

Bring to a boil then simmer for 1 hour until everything is tender

Veggie (aka all my veggies are about to go bad, what do I do) Soup

Points: 0 maybe 1 if  you eat a lot of it

8 cups broth

Any and all veggies you want to include (I used carrots, cabbage, onion, zucchini, peas, corn, and a potato)

Noodles (if you like them)

Garlic and spices to taste (I used rosemary and cilantro from the garden) 

Boil broth will all the veggies, noodles, garlic, and spices

Let simmer for 1 hour

I forgot - I actually made 4 soups! The last one I made was a green chili stew. I found New Mexico green chilies on sale and couldn't resist. 

Green Chili Stew

Points: 1 point per cup

2 cups roasted green chili

2 onions

garlic

1 potato

4 cups broth

Optional: beans, meat, rice...

Saute onion and garlic (if you want to add meat, saute it with onions)

Put onion mixture, and cubed potatoes (and anything else you want to add - beans, rice...) into pot with broth and boil. Simmer for 1 hour. 

Add chili

Heat for 15 min.

All are wonderfully filling and cost practically nothing if you break it down per meal.

Dinner and a Walk

Talk about healthy and cheap. Last night we baby-sat for a friend of ours. Their daughter is Ilya's age and is a real sweetheart...as long as we are doing something. She tends to get antsy when we just stay at home and play. So, Adam and I packed the girls up and a picnic lunch and walked to the mall. 

The walk to the mall is about 1 mile from our house, so total we walked two miles (while pushing strollers so, really, thats more like four miles). The girls loved watching all the people walking around shopping and it was indoors so we had a shelter from the rain. 

What did we bring to eat, you ask? Peanut Butter and Banana Sandwiches. 1 point for the two slices of bread (thank you Sara Lee Light Bread). 2 points for 1 tablespoon of almond butter, and 1 point for half of a banana. I also had a peach. 

Total cost of the meal per person: something ridiculous like $0.20. 

Total points for the meal: 5

Total fruit and veggie servings: 2 (maybe three)

Total activity points earned: at least 1 (I tend to underestimate)

Its Friday and you know what that means...

Weigh In Day! I guess tracking points and writing stuff down really does help. The number today was...wait for it...

170.0 lbs

Down 1.8 pounds!

I really needed this. I was feeling a little disillusioned with the plan. I kept weighing myself throughout the week without seeing the results that I wanted even though I was being so so so good, so it was so nice to see the loss on the scale today. 

I guess I learned that I really need to stay off the scale during the week. Does that happen to anyone else? I usually weigh myself hoping that the number will make me feel better, but weight varies so much that I invariably feel horrible at some point and then, all I want to do is forget the whole thing.

Goals for the week:

1) write all foods and points down

2) Don't step on the scale until Friday

Week in Review:

Tracking: I tracked perfectly Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and Monday. Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday was not so good.

Exercise: BOOT CAMP on Monday and walking Greenlake on Wednesday - its a start.

The Next Day

Wow, was I ever in need of weight training. After boot camp yesterday, I. CANT. MOVE. Everything hurts. 

Boot Camp

When I first began my weight loss journey, I was working with a personal trainer named Christina. She was awesome. She kicked my butt every time I saw her, but she was a lot of fun to talk to and we seamed to have a lot in common. Even after I quit personal training due to financial issues, she kept texting me asking me things like what I had eaten for dinner and did I want to go work out with her. What a gem.

Every Monday evening at 7pm, she teaches a fitness class called Boot Camp, which is just like it sounds - boot camp. Its an hour of intense cardio mixed with weight training. She texted me this morning asking if I would come and I decided that I had had enough sitting around on butt so I went. Wow! I knew it was going to be hard, but I was literally drenched in sweat. My face looked like a watermelon, and I was certain that time had stopped about half way through the class. But I did it. Not only did I do it, but I felt great afterwards. 

How do I keep forgetting how wonderful exercise makes me feel? I need to find new exercises and not get stuck in the same boring routine. 

So, thank you Christina, and I'll be there next Monday even if it kills me.

Breakfast

At one of my weight watcher meetings, my leader told us that we should be different breakfasts every day. I have a hard enough time rolling out of bed at 6:30, or whenever my little one decides its time to start the day, stumbling downstairs, turning on the coffee pot, and making a pot of oatmeal. My brain just does not function well enough in the morning to think about WHAT to cook, let alone HOW to cook it. Let's face it, you don't have to think too much to make a pot of oatmeal. Toss in some blueberries and you have a delicious 2 point breakfast with a fruit serving. 

I'm thinking the important thing is to EAT breakfast, period. Why should eating different foods for breakfast matter?

Weigh In

I didn't make it to my WW meeting yesterday because we went on a family blueberry picking trip, so I weighed in today instead. I know these are going to sound like excuses, but let me preface my weigh in number with the following stipulations:

1) I was weighing in at a different time of day wearing different clothes than I normally do

2) The Saturday leader was no good

3) I had my trusty side kick with me which cut down the length of time we were able to stay at the meeting.

OK, enough excuses. I gained .8 pounds this week. Ack! I don't think I've been taking this plan very seriously lately. I guess its time to change. Here is my week in review:

Tracking: I was really good on Friday, Wednesday, and Thursday...the rest of the week...not so much

Fruits and Veggies: I ate all my fruits and veggies - this one is easy for me

Water: As long as coffee counts (and WW now acknowledges that it does)

Exercise: What is this "exercise" that you speak of?...

So, yes, I need to exercise and track points. I can do this...I can do this...

Weighing In

As expected, I was up this week, but not as much I thought I might be. I gained .8 pounds - which really, if you think about it, is just a big poop :) My leader is so great, though. I am feeling totally motivated to write everything down this week and really start anew.  First challenge of the week - date night tonight! Adam and I finally get to go out (sorry, love, I'm using your real name...all four of my readers now know who you are). We're going to get dinner then go to a baseball game with a friend of our who is celebrating her birthday. I always mess up when I eat out. I will be good tonight...or at least, I'll write down everything I eat...I can do that...

Pregnancy Weight

I gained a considerable amount of weight while pregnant with my daughter. I had just finished with a year of weight watchers and had lost over 30 pounds. I think that my body was so excited to not be on a restricted calorie diet that it went a little crazy (as I did on occasion). I ended up gaining 45 pounds and ended up losing only about 20 of those pounds when little baby Ilya came out. Everyone kept saying that the rest would just melt away since I was breast-feeding. I don't know what world these people live in where pounds just "melt away." In my experience pounds have NEVER just "melted away," and post pregnancy was no different. In face, I gained weight. 

Gaining weight, losing sleep, giving up my career, focusing on the needs of someone else 24/7 all contributed my depression (which I am thankfully almost completely rid of). 

So, about three months ago, I joined weight watchers again as well as 24 hour fitness. Things were going great (I lost 12 pounds!) and then I kinda fell off the wagon - hence this blog post. I realized that the only way to be successful in my weight loss journey is to be accountable. I figure if I update my blog with my progress, it will keep me on track...so here goes:

I weigh in on Fridays. 

Last Friday my weight was: 170.2 pounds.

I think that I probably gained weight this week as I have been eating whatever I like all week, including a pizza yesterday! I am dedicated to staying within my points today. I'll let you all know how it works out tomorrow.